Working with Joe, Chapter 1

The Consult

We started with a video call so I could get a sense of where he’s at and what he’s looking for. He shared openly, but also a bit nervously, admitting that he doesn’t really know where to start. “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do or how any of this works,” he said. “That’s completely fine,” I told him. “That’s why I’m here.”

As we talked, it became clear what he’s been struggling with:

• He’s had almost no emotional, physical, or erotic intimacy with another man

• He doesn’t have any real experience engaging sexually with men

• He has strong known desires as well as unknown desires but no safe space to explore them

• He’s anxious about performance and being judged / “doing it right”

• He isn’t sure how to communicate boundaries, needs, or desires

• He has no gay peer group, no guidance, and feels alone in all of this

• And there’s still some shame living in his system around his sexuality

I suggested that we start with a traditional bodywork session—beginning with an undressing ritual, followed by Reiki and massage, with the option to explore sensual & erotic touch if his body and energy feel ready for it.

Mechanics of the Bodywork Session:

I explained how I felt that a bodywork session would be a great entry point to working with me and how it would start to address a few of his challenges.

The undressing ritual When I undress him, we’re breaking down nervous-system defensiveness and energetic tension. It also opens up space for him to experience new sensations as I connect with and touch his body in many different ways. I talk briefly about how the body is like an orchestra, with numerous instruments of sensation, pleasure, and connection to be “played,” and how the undressing ritual is an opportunity to “wake up” and play many of those instruments. I explain how many men are shocked by how much comfort and pleasure is found before any true erotic touch takes place. 

I let him know that If he wants to undress me, he can—but it’s optional. There’s no rush. Some men prefer to stay in the receiving role at first, which is perfectly fine, and the decision to undress me can be made in the moment.

Reiki 

I explain how I provide Reiki via gentle hand placements on his body as he’s laying comfortably on the table. This gives him a chance to let his body settle into the table and relax into my touch even further in a more passive body position as the soothing energy of Reiki down-regulates his nervous system and energy even further.

Massage

I let Joe know that my massage style is more Swedish in nature. Long soothing strokes with light to medium pressure, rather than anything intense or deep tissue.

The massage continues building relaxation and trust through touch. I let him know that I'm always tracking how his breathing shifts, where his muscles hold tension, and how his body responds and that the massage is allowing our bodies to synch up even further.

Sensual & Erotic Touch 

We talk about how this is only introduced if he feels ready, and only with explicit consent.

I explain how there's no agenda or destination to reach here. I share various examples of what this touch can look like and how this part of the session involves even more communication between the two of us.

Slow and Soft Ending No matter how much erotic stimulation we activate, the session always ends slow, grounded, and nurturing. I let him know how I like to allow ample time for a proper "cool down" so that by the time he's getting off the table he feels centered back in his body.

As we talked through all this, he looked relieved. For the first time, he felt like he had a clear and safe place to start.

Boundaries and expectations 

We covered exactly what kind of touch is and isn’t available on my body, so nothing is vague or confusing in the moment. We then discussed his boundaries. He told me he isn’t ready for any internal anal play. I told him that’s absolutely fine and that my job is to support his boundaries, not push them. He let me know that he's open to external touch and teasing around the anus, but asked that I go slowly and check in as we go. I informed him that orgasm and ejaculation are available, but they’re never required or expected.

The point of this work is connection and embodiment—not performance or “destination” based. We also went over various communication cues to use during the session to ensure everything stays within his comfort zone. He can shower before or after the session without it affecting session time. We reviewed what sounds exciting, what feels uncertain, and what is a no for now. We planned to review all of it again in person the day of session before we start.

Session Day

Joe arrived nervous, but also clearly excited. We took a few minutes to talk, check in, and review boundaries. Nothing had changed since our consult, but I let him know if anything changes in the moment, that's perfectly fine.

Then we moved into the undressing ritual. I undressed him first.

Within a few minutes, his entire body began to relax. His breathing slowed, his shoulders softened, and he dropped out of his head and into the experience. He was surprised by how nurturing and intimate it felt, even before any genital touch. He experienced more sensation and connection than he expected—enough that his body naturally moved toward arousal.

We spent about fifteen minutes here, exploring sensation and building trust through touch alone. Already, new pathways and ideas of what intimacy with men can look like started forming in his mind.

I asked if he wanted to undress me in return. He said he was enjoying being in the receiving role and wanted to stay there. Sounds great—that option will always be there in the future.

On the Table 

Once he was on the table, we started with Reiki. His nervous system softened even more, and his body melted even deeper into the space. When I transitioned into massage, I kept the strokes long, slow, and steady, letting his system continue to open at its own pace. I also encouraged Joe to access movement, sound, and breath as it feels good to him in the moment. I let him know there’s no need to lie perfectly still, and that the more you can let your body do what it naturally wants to in the moment, the better.

I worked down his back, glutes, and legs. When I reached his inner thighs, I slowed down and paid even deeper attention to his breathing and subtle movements. He opened his legs a little wider and his hips began to move on their own. His breath deepened and soft moans began to slip out of his mouth. His body was signaling to me his enjoyment of this touch. I checked in with him verbally to see if he would like me to continue building the erotic energy here.

“Yes please,” he responded.

I worked my magic here, using various hand positions, strokes, and pressure points to stimulate even more pleasure around his ass. We stayed here for a little while, riding a few waves of eroticism, relaxation, and connection.

This portion of the session came to a natural conclusion before I invited Joe to flip onto his back. I offered him some water and encouraged him to stretch and find any movement his body desired before settling back onto the table.

A short round of Reiki followed here, giving him a chance to relax back into the table—this time face up—and then another round of full-body soothing massage strokes across his chest, his arms, and the front of his legs.

Joe’s arousal was in full force again from the massage alone, and I confirmed with him verbally before moving into active erotic stimulation.

We reached a few more peaks and valleys of pleasure work as I invited him into some breath work to help circulate this energy throughout his entire body. And from there, the energy naturally built toward an incredibly powerful release.

I held him deeply here, allowing him to fully embrace the moment and stay present with the bliss his body was ready to share with him. After a few minutes of stillness, breath, and some exclamations of excitement and surprise from Joe, I spent the last 5–10 minutes of the session deeply nourishing his body with another layer of soothing massage strokes and Reiki—letting him fully soak up all the delicious energy from the session.

Post Session:

When the session ended, I offered Joe some more water and let him get dressed as I washed up in the next room. Upon returning, I asked him how he was feeling and if there’s anything he wanted to share. “That was great,” he replied.

He seemed ready to get moving. First sessions are often such a new experience for clients that trying to put words around it right away isn’t easy. They’re also very intimate, and for clients like Joe who haven’t experienced this type of intimacy before—let alone at this magnitude—once the energy of the session settles, it can feel quite vulnerable afterward.

It seemed like this space of vulnerability was where Joe had landed. Rather than encourage any deeper reflections from Joe, I followed where his energy was pointing and wrapped up our time together so he could get on his way.

“Awesome,” I responded. “I love to hear it. Give me a shout if and when you’re ready to connect again and we’ll go from there.” 

Joe thanked me and went on his way.

Session 2 

Two weeks later, Joe reached out to book another bodywork session. When he arrived, we checked in again. I asked him what he wanted to receive from this session. He let me know he wanted to do everything the same as we did the first session.

He also apologized. “I’m sorry if I seemed quiet or rude at the end of our first session. It was all so amazing, but honestly I just felt a little overwhelmed and shy afterwards and was eager to be by myself to process it all.”

“No apology needed,” I replied. “That happens a lot actually. And there’s never any need to spend time talking about the session afterwards. It’s always an option, but sometimes words can get in the way of the energy that’s being processed.”

We went over boundaries again before diving in. This session carried a very similar flow, but this time Joe’s body softened even faster. He found even more movement on the table and opened up into the erotic energy with even more ease. The peaks of pleasure were higher, and Joe accessed even more sound via moans of pleasure and deep sighs of relief. His system had already made a huge leap in capacity for receiving this type of intimacy and connection.

After this session, he was able to stay much more present in the room with me without the rush to get moving with his day.

Session 3 

He booked a third session a week later. I asked him if there’s anything different he wanted to explore today.

“Not really. I’m honestly just enjoying soaking all of this in. I’m sure eventually I’ll want to start working with you on everything else I’ve had challenges with, but for now it’s just so nourishing for me to keep filling up my cup with what I’ve been missing for 40 years now.”

“Sounds great to me,” I let him know.

“I would, however, like to try undressing you today. Is that okay?”

 “Of course. Do you want me to undress you first, or would you like to go first?” 

“I want you to undress me first,” he said. 

“Great.”

After taking a good ten minutes to undress Joe, as his body came alive with sensation and arousal, it was his turn.

“Can I offer a few words before you get started?” I asked. 

“Yes please,” Joe replied. 

“Great. The point of you undressing me is to give you the opportunity to practice exploring and engaging with another man’s body without any script, or pressure of what it ‘should’ look like. I’m not grading you here or judging any sort of performance. This is about you tuning into your body as well as my body. You get to explore and enjoy as you go.

You’ve seen what I do to undress you a few times now. If you don’t know where to start, use some of my moves as jumping-off points, but then remix them to make it your own.

I also want you to see if you can tune into how my body responds to your body. There’s a dance that comes alive when two bodies come together like this. With you're undressing me, you’re leading that dance.

There’s also no timeline here. We can spend as much or as little time with you undressing me, with the invitation to go a little bit slower than your mind might want to.”

Joe got started. His hands trembled for the first couple minutes as he mirrored many of my touch points. But eventually, he let out a sigh of relief as his nervous system shifted down a gear. He pressed into my body with his chest, wrapped his arms around me, and held steady here for a few moments before continuing on—this time with steady hands and deeper presence in his touch. He took his time exploring my body with his hands, fingers, and lips.

After about ten minutes, Joe signaled that he was ready to move on. I gave him two options. I let him know we could continue as usual into Reiki and then massage, or—before moving there—that we could spend a few minutes simply lying on the table naked together, him on top of me.

“I’d like that,” he responded.

I climbed on the table first, laying face up before inviting him to lie on top of me, chest to chest, crotch to crotch.

He settled in on top of me, and slowly our bodies found a gentle rhythm of connection here. My hands and arms slowly caressed his back before both of our hips started gently thrusting back and forth. We stayed in this rhythm for several minutes, as the intensity of connection followed a natural arc before gently settling back into a calm, deep embrace.

“All right, my friend, let’s get you on the table for some Reiki. Sound good?” 

“Sounds great.”

Joe came in a few more times in the following weeks for more of these bodywork sessions—each of them finding a slightly new flow as Joe was able to soak up so much of the pleasure and intimacy he’d been missing. All the while, his system was building so much safety around pleasure with another man. Not only that, but he kept discovering new forms of what intimacy and pleasure he enjoyed receiving—and giving.

About three months into working with Joe, he sent me an email letting me know that he was ready to go even deeper with our work together. He shared that, although extremely nervous, he wanted to start exploring anal pleasure. On top of that, he wanted to take the work we’ve been doing into “the real world.” He asked how I could assist him in exploring intimacy with other men, highlighting again his concerns about needing to go slow, expressing his desires and boundaries, managing performance anxiety, and navigating it all without any gay peers by his side.

I let him know that my Brotherhood Intensive is designed exactly for this type of support, and we scheduled a time to speak more in-depth about what this container is all about.

Stay tuned for Chapter 2 of working with Joe. Join my newsletter to be notified - click here a and scroll down to plug in your email (no name required).