What is Sacred Intimacy?

Sacred Intimacy and Sacred Intimate are terms I first heard back in December 2023 during my first trip to Palm Springs where I was attending a training called Sex Shaman, Sacred Prostitute (I later lived for just over a year from May 2024 thru August 2025).

This training was led by Marc Peridis, who is often referred to as the orgasmic shaman.

Several of the men at this training identified as practicing Sacred Intimates. They were erotic bodyworkers—many offering erotic massage, tantric coaching, and other forms of therapeutic one-on-one work with men in deeply physically and sexually intimate settings.

It was there that I was recommended the book Daddy Lover God a Sacred Intimate Journey written by Don Shewey, which provided me my first working definition of what a Sacred Intimate is:

“What does a sacred intimate do?

I like to say that sacred intimates combine the roles of priest, prostitute, and psychotherapist. In other words, they approach sexuality with the understanding that it’s related to soul work and to spirituality.

They use mindfulness and integrity to help people identify, embrace, and practice desire as holy, sexual embodiment as an expression of the soul.

They hold the body as sacred and view erotic energy as a crucial component of human life and spiritual health.

Their primary intention is that of healing - and by healing I mean not just addressing the wounds to the spirit and the flesh caused by sexual abuse, addiction, or disease but also acknowledging that the fun and the pleasure, the vitality and the divine mystery of sex have nourishing properties in and of themselves.

That’s a message that easily gets lost in a culture that is ambivalent or sex-negative as ours”

The term Sacred Intimate was first coined by Joseph Kramer, PhD, a pioneer of modern erotic healing in America.  Joseph Kramer founded the Body Electric School in the 1980s, a groundbreaking training program blending erotic touch, breath work, and spiritual practice. Through Body Electric, Kramer trained thousands of men and women to approach sexuality not simply as physical release, but as a path to intimacy, healing, and embodied spirituality.

(For a deeper dive into the origins of the term Sacred Intimate, see this article on Don Shewey’s Website. Interestingly enough, Don Shewey is a former mentor of my current mentor, Court Vox)

I truly love, honor, and deeply respect this definition of a Sacred Intimate. Joseph Kramer is an inspiration to me. I’ve only had the privilege of participating in his virtual trainings through his teachings on the Yoga of Sex . I would have loved to attend some of the Body Electric workshops and retreats, but sadly they were before my time and the Body Electric School has since changed ownership. (I do hear good things about their virtual offerings but haven’t participated in any of them myself).

While I wholeheartedly identify with this definition of a Sacred Intimate,  I want to expand on this title and concept as it shows up in my life and practice today.

To do this, I want to introduce another, more recent perspective of Sacred Intimacy as a practice, as presented by John Wineland, a contemporary teacher of men’s work, relational leadership, and embodied intimacy. 

John Wineland describes Sacred Intimacy as a practice formed by Three Pillars:

See his YouTube Video Three Pillars of Sacred Intimacy:

He describes:

Pillar 1: Intimacy: A recognition of sameness in one another. To be able to see, love, receive, and witness one another as human. The practice of recognizing the sameness of our shared humanity–our pain, trauma, joys, desires, and pleasure. As well as the practice of recognizing the divine within each of us. Love loving love. Recognizing pure consciousness and love in one another–beyond our humanity.

Pillar 2: Devotion to Love:

Devotion to love itself over our more selfish desires and needs in relationship. A willingness to do whatever it takes to move the relationship into a deeper state of flow and love. This also includes devotion to our own inner trauma work–as the more distortions and pain we can clear within ourselves, the more love we can hold for ourselves and our partners, therefore creating a greater capacity for devotion to love itself.

Pillar 3: Sexual Polarity:

The magnification and amplification of masculine and feminine trains and essences within relationship. Understanding and working with these polarities as energetic dynamics between self and other.

What I love about John Wineland’s definition of Sacred Intimacy is that it’s a practice accessible to everyone in relationship. You don’t have to be a practicing Sacred Intimate, as described by Joseph Kramer, to practice sacred intimacy with your partners.

At the same time, I believe everything Wineland describes is exactly what all Sacred Intimates should be actively working to embody deeper levels of. To me, his framework names the working mechanics of what a Sacred Intimate is actually providing for their clients.

I especially love Pillar #2: Devotion to Love. I’d argue this is the most essential responsibility of a Sacred Intimate. It’s also one of the most challenging–especially the call to continually face and heal our own shadows and trauma. The more distortions we clear through this process, the less we project our pain onto others. And the less we project, the more deeply we can meet others in true Intimacy (Pillar #1).

So far, we’ve looked at Sacred Intimacy through the lens of Joseph Kramer and Don Shewey–rooted in professional sex work and erotic healing–and through John Wineland’s framework of relational intimacy. Now I’d like to build on both perspectives and share my own working definition of what it means to be a Sacred Intimate, and how I personally practice Sacred Intimacy.

To me, Sacred Intimacy is the practice of treating every aspect of self and other as holy. Yes–our sexuality, our pleasure, our desires, and our eroticism. But just as much our emotions, our pain, and every aspect of our bodies. Our joy, our play, our grief, anger and sorrow. Our triumphs and our abuse. Our wrinkles, skin tags, and cellulite , just as much as abs, smooth skin, and bright eyes.

Sacred Intimacy is a practice we engage with in relationship to others just as much as in relationship to ourself. It’s a willingness to treat our bodies, our pleasure, our pain, our joy and our connection to the universe–God, Source, Creator, Sky Daddy (whatever name resonates) as divine. Because it is. Because it deserves to be met and honored as such,

Sacred Intimacy includes emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy just as much as it does physical and sexual. The spaces I hold for my Reiki students are just as much spaces of Sacred Intimacy as the spaces I hold for my erotic bodywork clients. For me, the common thread is always reverence and the willingness to meet and treat whatever arises as holy.

When we practice Sacred Intimacy, we come home to the truth that nothing in us is unworthy of love. Shame dissolves, the illusion of separation softens, and we can discover that even our deepest hidden desires and wounds are pathways back to the divine. This, to me, is the medicine of Sacred Intimacy: it restores us to wholeness.

Sacred Intimacy is a devotional practice. It’s not about perfection, but about devotion. Devotion to treating self and other, in every moment possible, to our greatest ability in that moment, with as much love as possible. It is the deep desire to do well by self and others, as fully as possible. It’s the commitment to continually doing our own inner work–with the understanding and motivation that the more we heal ourselves, the greater our capacity to show up in love for others. 

And if you want to get even deeper into my spiritual views, I believe that Sacred Intimacy is Christ Consciousness embodied in human form.

Thanks for reading.

Big love,

Steve