PLEASURE ON THE RISE: Shame Levels in Free-Fall since August

Denver — Officials are baffled as reports show shame levels across the metro area have plummeted nearly 47% since August, coinciding with what some religious institutions are calling “a catastrophic decline in guilt and self-denial”

Law enforcement has declined to comment on the cause, but puritan organizations have been quick to point fingers at a newly arrived man in his early thirties known publicly as Sacral Steve.

The Coalition for Christian Decency issued a statement condemning Steve, describing him as “a former Midwest altar boy corrupted by the gay agenda,  actively luring innocent people into embodying pleasure and bodily autonomy.”

The Coalition’s sister publication, The Righteous Review, warned that exposure to Steve’s “so-called healing” could lead to “the loss of bodily shame, erotic innocence, and obedience to traditional doctrine.”

One parent reported a troubling discovery while their adult son was home for Thanksgiving, after he left his phone unlocked on the kitchen counter, revealing a text thread that “caused instant panic.” “I saw a text he had sent his friend saying, ‘I have never felt so alive. This man [Sacral Steve] helped me find pleasure I didn’t know was possible, and for the first time I didn’t feel guilty about it.’”

 “I was sick to my stomach,” the parent said. “Sin has crept into my family. I’ve been praying for my son’s salvation ever since.”

Parishes stretching from Colorado Springs to Fort Collins report dramatic drops in confession attendance, as individuals no longer feel dirty, sinful, or in need of repentance for enjoying the pleasure their bodies were “designed by God” to provide.

In response, priests have formed an emergency task force — the Action Committee for the Preservation of Shame — with the lead clergy member stating:

“If the public stops feeling shame around their bodies, pleasure, and sexuality, we lose all control and  If too many realize there is nothing wrong with them to begin with, our entire system collapses”